Haven’t been writing here for a while.  Life gets going again after being sick and things ramp up to a high level of activity.  I haven’t been thinking about cancer much, which is a good thing, for the most part.  However, some issues around having cancer should be thought about.  A friend of mine, who also had his run against the disease posted a video on my Facebook page and since I was having trouble sleeping tonight, I thought it might be a good time to see why he thought I should watch it.  It is really great and ends with a huge portion of hope.  We all need hope, but more, we all need to take better care of ourselves.  I HOPE to take better care of myself as a result of viewing this great talk by a doctor who also had cancer.  Maybe it will help you, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaDt3AJQ98c&feature=player_embedded

Well, here I sit at the computer without glasses.  Wow!  I’ve been wearing glasses for about 25 years and still sometimes go to straighten them only to find they aren’t there.  The lens implants are working great.  Chemo doesn’t mess with your vision, but evidently the steroids in the pre-meds cause cataracts.  The fix for cataracts these days is lens implants.  So, I now no longer look at the world through a green-brown haze and can read without glasses!  I await the final verdict about the glasses until next Wednesday, when I have my week-after surgery appointment.  But colors are beautiful now and I noticed that I have a renewed interested in looking at the stars.

Learning Moment:  Sometimes good can come from bad things.

Ok, you’re thinking, “what do the things in the title have in common? “  I’ll try to explain, however, the connection may only be in my particular brain.  There were three things that reminded me this week to be grateful that I am a cancer SURVIVOR.

The first actually happened in the last couple of weeks.  My surgeon’s office called me and told me that I had to make an appointment with the doctor to discuss the results of my recent mammogram.  YIKES!  Why does she have to “discuss”?????   What’s wrong?????? of course the office staff member couldn’t tell me.  So after waiting for a few hours I jumped on KP.org to email her.  Within an hour and a half, the doctor herself (what a sweetie) called me and told me that there was something on the mammo that was, quite possibly, a small piece of plastic and that as soon as she received the images, she would call me.  So for a week, I worried.  Then she called and indeed it was a piece of plastic left when the cath in my shoulder was removed.  Whew!!!!!  I was surprised at how I felt during the short time of uncertainty–really scared.  So, I recalled what I’ve been through and felt the gratitude for where I am.

The second was a moment that triggered a strong memory.  I was watching an episode of “Law and Order”  while I was angrily mopping the living room floor–angry because I had to mop the massive concrete floor in our house–slinging that mop with a vengeance.  In the show the lady who played the Lt. for a while, don’t know her name, had just returned to work after having cancer and they were throwing her a party.  She had very little hair and I think maybe she was recovering in real life, too.  Anyhow, she got a cell phone call and stepped away from the party to take the call from her doctor.  The dialog was, “Yes, doctor, I understand”.  Then she covered her face in her hands and wept, looked up  and mouthed the words “thank you”.  She went back to the party and whispered something in the ear of her new fiancee and they hugged and smiled.    I knew that moment, I had that moment, too. When,  the surgeon called me on a Friday evening because she didn’t want me going all weekend not knowing that the results of the lab tests on the newly removed breast tissue showed that I had a “complete response” to the treatment for cancer.  While watching and mopping, I sat down in the chair and cried.  I know this sounds funny, but I was grateful that I could mop that floor!

And then there is yesterday.  I went to the beach with Ian and his friends and their families.  We played the craziest games of volleyball on and off all day.  I hit, ran, jumped (only about an inch high, mind you, but jumped) and laughed a lot.  One of Ian’s friends has a dad who had a horrible work accident about two years ago where he was severely burned.  We were both recovering from pretty severe medical issues at the same time.  He and I were both out there running, jumping and hitting that crazy volleyball like we were young kids.  The moment didn’t escape either of us.  We were so lucky to be there doing what we were doing.

Yesterday was a good day.  I am grateful for all of my days, good and not-so-good.  I hope those reminder moments keep coming.  There’s a saying among health care professionals when things happen that are mistakes or whatever, “no one died today”.  It’s a saying that I have often used to make people comfortable when things aren’t going so great at work to help them put things in perspective.  I am grateful for the noteworthy moments in my life that help me keep perspective.

Learning Moment:  As my grand son Sam would say, “Say your gratefuls”

 

So, we are headed for the last day of our 22nd @MSJC Academy professional development event.  I’ve been so blessed to be able to teach another three-day workshop to about 30 great teachers.  We are having fun and I learn from the participants everyday.

On the first day, so many people complimented me on how good I look.  What a shock!  I look in the mirror with my new left eye (the right will be done at the end of the month) and see wrinkles and how old I look to me.  It was so sweet to have folks tell me that I look good!  Last year at this time I was recovering from surgery and had white hair.  But, maybe it’s the no-glasses?

I am paying close attention to changes in the world, particularly our teaching environment and am finding that my own thinking about teaching an learning is in transition, too.  Our students are different than they used to be.  We have to admit that and work with it.

Learning Moment:  Things change all the time.  We can’t be in denial about it or life will pass us by and we will succumb to our wrinkles.

So, it’s been a week since the lens implant (visualize a photo of me with an arrow drawn to the left eye, label it IMPLANT, and an arrow drawn to the right breast, label it IMPLANT).  The right eye will be done in August.  Colors are so vivid now, but the wrinkles in my face are new!  There’s dirt all over my house that I’ve been missing, I am sure.  Who cares?  I can see color again.  For someone who is largely visual, that’s a big deal.  The lens implant has been a great addition to my life and I am grateful.

So, just one more thing to visit Riverside Kaiser about, right?  I am also grateful to that medical center and all of the personnel who work there.  There’s a receptionist in ophthalmology who knows where EVERYTHING is.  I know because several times now I’ve witnessed her answering weird location questions with a smile and perfect directions.  I wonder, “how does she know where that person works?”.  I watched her give some cute little gift to a co-worker and then hug her.  I figure, this is a nice lady.  Next visit, I am bringing her a pair of my earrings.  She should know that her kindnesses don’t go unnoticed.

I test drove an Acura RDX and noticed that the salesman had the same free-with-cataract-surgery sun glasses that I have.  I commented on them and he shared that he had the same surgery only a week earlier.  It was a cute connection.  He didn’t offer a great price though– he was really kind, however.  So, I am considering buying a car.  We’ll see.  Wow, last year at this time I was having my right breast removed, this year, considering a new car.  Life is a wild ride, for sure.

This is seemingly a never ending journey.  I have started walking down the health issues path and I will have to walk there until the intersection that will take me in a new direction.  My health is generally better.  I am eating well and spending a lot of time in the garden.  I’ll take a photo of to update you all on Saturday.  The thing is growing out of control!  It took a lot of money and work to put in, but the benefits are a reason to exercise and tasty tomatoes.

Learning Moment:  Pay attention to the people who serve, not just the ones who provide customer service.

Good morning,

Happy Fourth of July 2011!  I am sitting outside writing this at 7:30 a.m. while it is still shady enough to see my computer screen.

The past couple of months have developed into a theme of sorts focusing around transitions.  Of course, all of life is a transition from something to something else, if you are comfortable with the status quo and expect things to stay the same, you will certainly be disappointed.  I think traditions may be the stuff of status quo, but otherwise everything is in transition.

My health is no exception.  When I posted about the cataract issue being a result of the pre-med steroids given with each of the chemo treatments I had, a friend said, “It’s the gift that keeps on giving”.  I don’t know what I thought would happen.  I guess I figured that the cancer was gone, so everything else would be just peachy. The experience of having cancer, both physically and mentally, continues to change me in both arenas.  To expect something else was silly and I now realize that my health from birth to now has been one of life’s transitions to be watched after, experienced, and nurtured.

I saw my breast cancer surgeon on Friday.  She was very pleased with me for having completed a colonoscopy (ugh) with very positive results, brought my bad cholesterol down, increased my exercise (thanks garden), and generally taking better care of myself.  I am pleased with me, too, but I am no where near where I’d like to be, both physically and mentally.

I have figured out that the transition to healthier living is not easy to make and I have to be more forgiving and patient with myself.  I am trying to eat better–yesterday’s brunch out in San Diego of eggs benedict with bacon, not withstanding.

To make the changes, I started just being more aware by reading the nutritional value of everything I buy and making better choices at the grocery store. That one thing has made a big difference.  I thought I knew what was good from what wasn’t but there were some surprises!  That one thing has kept my weight stable and, along with everyday-oatmeal, has brought the bad cholesterol down.  Now I look for other simple changes that I can make that will incrementally keep me going well and not make me crazy in the process.  When I know that 95% of my diet is great, I can have a yummy not-so-good-for-me brunch once and a while.

Garden in June

So, what’s the learning moment here?  Transition and change doesn’t have to happen in huge chunks, although it is in the world, in my personal life, it can be more incremental and be ok.  If you are struggling with weight or other issues, maybe baby steps like just checking the nutritional value of what you eat can help you, too.  I didn’t set out to cut anything from my diet, I just became more aware and able to make better choices.

Good afternoon!  I am in Costa Mesa at the Online Teaching Conference, very happy to be here.  My vision is crummy, but I have an appointment for surgery on July 7th, so won’t have to wait too long.  There will be three weeks between eyes and that should be interesting!

Learning Moment:  Don’t get comfortable with good health, it could change instantly and you have to continue to take care of yourself even when you start feeling like you are out of the woods!

….since I’ve posted here. I’ve been doing well, for the most part. I just wanted to update you and make a comment about a weird thing that’s happened.

I have been experiencing some physical stuff that I am convinced are side effects of chemotherapy and wanted to mention them in case anyone is interested. My vision is not doing so well and I went to the optometrist. I got new glasses and she said that I had the beginning of cataracts, but that wasn’t the cause of my blurred vision. So, off I went to the optomologist.

The opto doc said that the steroids given to me as pre-medication to the chemo, causes a different kind of cataract that is now causing the vision issue. So when I asked him, does Chemo cause vision problems (in this case cataracts) he said that he didn’t know. He did know that steroids do, and asked me about my psoriasis, which usually is treated with steroids.

The amount I had a long time ago for the psoriasis was minimal and not the cause, but the amount in the pre-meds for chemo, was substantial and likely caused the subcapsular cataract that occurs at the back of the lenses.

So, what’s next? Cataract surgery and lens implants (which will mean much better vision) sometime in the next couple of months.

I’ve also got some heart problems, still trying to figure those out. Stay tuned!

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The last couple of days I’ve been on the emotional edge. Too close to tears over silly things, too close to anger over minor things, just too. Everything seems more detailed and important, but nothing has changed. Facing surgery, no matter how it seems to be a ‘done deal’, changes your approach to the day. I hope my friends, colleagues, and family will allow me some leeway right now. I will try to remember that it’s just Tuesday, nothing more.

So, haven’t been here much lately because things are pretty good.  My toes are still numb and my right shoulder and arm hurt most of the time (a lot), but I have energy and feel pretty good.  My surgery date is still holding to December 17th with the last herceptin treatment on the 20th!  That will be all for now!  I’ll be making regular visits to the oncologist and doing scans now and then, but if it doesn’t come back, I’m done in December!  I am still trying to get used to having curly, very short gray hair but that’s ok.  In my view, I look and feel much older than I did back July 2009, when all of this started, but I am healthy and that’s what counts.  Occasionally, I stop and think, “Damn, I had cancer” and that’s still very scary (keeps me awake many nights).  I am working on changing those thoughts when they come up.   I get tired more quickly than I used to and now and then I have that “chemical” feeling that comes with chemo,  and even that is diminishing some.  It’s been a long 17 months!

Learning Moment:  Time passes and things fall away, into the path you leave behind.  The memories don’t go away, but they get softer.